Looking back the younger years of dating was a lot easier, probably because expectations were not yet defined. Even then though I did my best to go out of my way to make my significant other smile at the time. Simple things like wearing the favorite shirt I had that she liked even if it was long sleeves and it was 95° out. That and my ability to make people laugh. Not sure if that was my having to be accepted or if it was just to make her smile. It wasn’t until I got married the first time that I realized I wasn’t necessarily happy I was content and most of my life existed making her happy not necessarily making me happy. I married young wasn’t necessarily one of the smartest things that I’ve done. Turns out the whole seven years we were together four which were married was just to show. In retrospect I don’t believe either one of us were really happy I think at the time we just got married because we were tired of living with our parents. I can’t say that the divorce was bitter but because I don’t really like to fight people that I do care about we amicably signed the papers and dissolved our marriage. We never really fought over material things however news to me I was left with a house that the mortgage was not caught up on which I was unaware of because even then I worked two or three jobs it does explain why she never fought me for the house we owned. And ironically a short time after filing for divorce she’s living cozy with one of our mutual friends guess that relationship was going on longer than I saw or maybe wanted to admit. That whole experience was quite interesting for a short time period. My soon-to-be ex-wife her new boyfriend myself and then turned out to be my second wife all lived together or at least hung out in the house that my first wife and I owned. Honestly as weird as that sounded by that point we all got along pretty well would watch movies together have dinner together it really was a Jerry Springer episode.
So this first serious relationship this marriage is probably where I first learned that rather than arguing and fighting sometimes it’s just better to be a responsible adult and try to reasonably solve your differences. It’s also when I first learned that I really do possess the ability to be a levelheaded calm forward thinking respectable man. I think part of the fallout that was that we both realized that we didn’t really live those college year. At 19 we got married we were not even old enough to drink at that point. I wish her and I would had the chance to live together before I proposed to her perhaps I would have realized we were completely on different levels. This is also where my OCD started to form, we had three cats a dog three guinea pigs and a rabbit my house stank and it was a mess. Took some time from then but one of the other lessons in life was sometimes just like a car, a relationship needs to be test driven before it bought. Especially now society is nowhere near where it was in my parents time, going back to the values that I spoke of one marriage for life. Nowadays both partners have the potential to be extremely successful professionally and if they want the relationship to be successful than they have to accept what the other’s choice and profession is. I think the other huge difference between the personalities of my first wife and I she was more of a homebody and I was more of the open outgoing person. So I would want to do things with family or friends and she basically would just want to stay home. Again if I would’ve test drove it before I bought it I would’ve learned that and she would have been an awesome friend to hang out with and we both would’ve been spared the emotional roller coaster.
I think that’s where I am going to end this one and this one for now. Hopefully in your own life you wind up reading this and walking away with a little bit of knowledge that may help you in your current relationship or in your quest to find the one.
So after writing this I read it and again I am not a literary scholar this are thoughts as they come with a small attempt at making it flow. It did help me understand things like, I am a good hearted man that goes out of his way and at time sacrificing my comfort to please others. Which I think is actually a good thing as long as it is controlled , this way one does not become used. I have also learned that relationships need to be a slow climb constantly evaluating personal needs in addition to the needs of your other. One must be able to feel comfortable in their own skin and be open to discuss things before it is to late. Mutual goals and understanding have to be set. For the love of god test drive it before you buy it, you have to be compatible. Looks change what should matter is things like the way you feel or how you are treated not how many heads you or your other can turn cause chances are those looks will change as age progresses and in some cases it will not be for the better. Tight asses and chests turn into a battle between gravity and will be eventually beaten by the fronts and backs of her knees as the start to sag. Guys that are ripped usually die sooner not to mention you want to be their obsession not the gym or their reflection in a mirror. Not to mention those high maintenance attractions usually are mentally draining and basically just a self indulgent fling. Balance is more important so fit is good even better if they posses other skills, like communication, humor, love, self worth and confidence.
Next post will be about other experience in relationships that people that have shared with me, no I will not be telling you their real names. STAY TUNED
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