As it turns out I have been in this downward spiral of relationships. A friend of mine called me out one day and suggested to me why I perhaps wind up in the type of relationships that I have been in. She said that I was afraid to date someone that was put together and successful because you would not be able to handle it because I feel I need something to fix. It was a bold statement but was she right….. Being the sensible guy that I am I asked her to explain her logic? She said that I have mommy bird syndrome I have this need to nurture and take care of all that are close to me. I seem to have this ability to find attract and get attached to people that are broken, most likely because I did not think that I could handle a women that is confidant and stable. So I stood there for a minute and thought about our conversation. You know you may be right I am an old soul of old values and I have been brought up that it is a male responsibility to provide and take care of the female. The realization for me was maybe in the time to which I was taught those values they were the way. It seemed now was a time to which the chivalrous part of me still needed to be however, it was ok if my mate took care of me etc. She actually suggested that based upon my past relationships I should consider writing a blog to maybe help others to get through situations that may be similar to their own.
So about a week or two passed and I kept thinking about my conversation. It caused me to evaluate every relationship I have had as far back as I can remember. She really might be right, it took so many years for someone to turn the light on in my mind. It was decided on that night that I needed to rethink what I thought was right.
After my epiphany I decided that an evaluation of me was the first step to my quest to find the one. This is not a woe is me moment but hang in there. I needed to pick apart myself to rebuild myself. Thinking back I was an overweight kid in a black neighborhood that used to be picked on and bullied all the time. My home life was not the best at all I am the youngest I have one brother and two sisters. Mom did her best and really the fact that my siblings and I did not wind up addicts or in jail was because of her strength. Dad was there but, hardly sober until he got really sick and couldn’t work or drink anymore. The reason I share this is to show where I first realized that I was not going to be evil and I was going to take care of everyone. Realizing that early in my development that the way my mom, siblings and I were treated was not right it was frankly unacceptable. Looking back to that section of my childhood caused me to realize that, People matter and do not deserve to live in that type of negative, I vowed that I would never be that way and that others needs were more important than my own .
Ok thanks for sharing your life story but WHY??? The answer is simple. Because this is where it started. Mom always taught me to be good you respect and take care of the lady, you provide for the family. I know what you are thinking sounds like a fairytale and based on what I shared you know my life nor hers was. I asked her one day why we stay, her response was because everyone needs to be loved. He is your father and my husband if we do not help him who will.
So I guess that is the first part of this blog that matters. We are the products of our upbringing however, you still can choose your path. The first step is break yourself down. Bring all the dirt out. The key is you identify the start and recognize it and understand why you have made some of the choices you have. Once you figure the start out decide if you are on the right course or would a slight change bring you closer to your goals.
Thanks for reading more to come about the actual relationships soon.
Wanted to share this link , speaks on how successful women will most likely be single because of values taught to men.