Friend-Zoned

One of the relationship struggles in life is the friend-zone. I know myself I have been on both ends of this. Personally I have 4 people really close to my heart that I would love to go out with just to be in their company. The primary mission is to get to know them better to see if the thought of a relationship with one of them would be even remotely feasible.  However, I am stuck in the friend-zone. Being an emotional human at times, I choose to berate myself the two biggest things I say to myself are things like your old and ugly.  Now with this said the old one does not really matter because I have already proven that age does not matter since I have already dated women half my age and one that was almost half my age.  So then I focus on the looks thing I know me personally connection and humor relate more to my love needs then looks. Height age, weight, hair color, race and nationality do not matter to me. Understanding that some if not most (my opinion) focus more on things like looks and financial status. Sad thing is I know and studies show that relationships not built of friendship and laughter that are only focused on looks or finances rarely work long term. The last reason I think of sometimes for me personally is my children which some consider baggage. In that regard if children are baggage then perhaps you need your head examined and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with you anyway.  The other point I think that is relevant them like me do not want to risk losing this awesome friendship I have with them on the whole dice roll of possible romance.

With this said I know personally I have 2 or 3 that I keep in the friend zone. The reason for me is simply because of the way they view themselves. My life to this point has been emotional and challenging. I have decided that I want a companion to share experiences with not a full time counseling job. Sounds harsh I understand and I am not saying I would not help them with their problems just saying that I would prefer that every time we are together it not be a session. I would also say that if they are independent and have a goals that would be so much easier than a huge list of problems and issue that they have no idea how to  or desire to fix. Again I fully understand that I have issues and problems, well frankly we all do the difference is I have put my stuff in order it may not all be fixed but I have a course of action.

Ok enough about my experience let’s talk about a friend-zone.  My issue with this is simply if the person in your friend-zone is good enough for you to call at 3am and you trust with your deepest secrets, why would you not give them a date or two. Again not saying you sleep with them or talk marriage or clingy obsessed relationship. Just saying perhaps if they are that wonderful in your life roll the dice.  Maybe you would be surprised and happier then you ever have been.  You see you have already trusted your darkest secrets and desire with them, they know you and respect you already SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE HANG UP? You obviously respect them enough to tell your story to them. You allow them to hold back your hair when your puking so why not be honest with yourself. 85% of the time this person in the friend-zone is most of what you desire in a mate.  So a few articles ago I wrote about test driving it before you buy it. My question is in this case haven’t you already you already test drove their personality, compassion and care? You know this person is there for you and you tell them stuff you wouldn’t even tell your bestie.  P.S. a date or two is just that, you shouldn’t be having sex within your first couple of dates anyway, relationship experts recommend 3 to 6 months of dating before consensual sex.  The common things LOOKS, MONEY, STATUS, BAGGAGE, or loss of a friend.  Maybe my views are off but  knowing what I do I think I may just give my friend –zone person a date or 2 , if nothing else I know they  will be smiling for the night  and I will gain a chance to perhaps know them a little better. Who knows maybe there are for me,   besides a date or 2 is really not a big thing, besides it maybe a movie or dinner you didn’t have to do alone.

My personal take away from this is I plan on trying to give people my time if they desire it, does not mean I want to or need to sleep with them just going to give them some of time they are looking for.  I just may not have seen that side of them yet that shows me a romantic connection.

Thanks again for reading it please follow the posts. Share with your friends. If you have a comment please leave it. If you want to leave a comment but do not want your name listed email it to me and I will list it as  “ A reader writes” If you have ideas for a topic or want to  share your story please email me at dolphnotes@gmail.com

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Hope, Brings Happiness , Desire , Motivation and even Depression

Hope can be so many things for so many people.  Most view hope as a positive, however it has a tricky side or two.  Hope in itself is the driving force for so many things we desire.  You all have been to the point of hope.  Hope can have a dangerous side. When what you hoped does not happen the way you expect it to. If not managed carefully this type of letdown can cause you sadness and lead to depression.

Hope can also be the driving force for choices we make. For example I was just speaking with a friend of mine. She shared her story. Basically she is in love with someone that she feel she feels she has a deep connection with, for whatever reason they did not work. Her hope is that at some point they will be together again.  This hope had caused her to make decisions with in her life that would benefit them both in the end even tho they are currently together. So her hope of in the future being with this man causes her to make decisions which in some cases have the potential to hold her back for the benefit of a life together with this man which may or may not happen.  It is within my opinion that this could have the potential to do a few things. Depression will be extremely hard and deep if the two never become one again. Additionally, she would have the potential to hold herself back from great things that may be presented to her if they do not fit within the plan that she has determined within her mind. Anything is possible and if her desire is fulfilled then choices she has made to this point will fit well for her and this man.  My experience has shown me that anytime I have made choices based upon the hopes of gaining something haven’t really worked for me. It causes me to end in a really emotionally dark place.  My pursuit at relationship usually involves women that are younger then I. My hopes is that this trend continues.  Because of this hope I find myself exercising a lot, trying to keep up on latest dance trends and so forth and so on.  The benefit is that I am really pretty healthy and apparently fun at parties. I also giggle at the fact that I am in better shape and have better stamina then most of the young boys (Um sorry men) the type of women I am interested in go after.

My life has had its share of positive hope and negative hope. Hope is an extremely motivating thing. Recently I have posted a lot of videos both on my snap chat and face book a lot of times I am singing. Singing is one of those things that has been part of me since I was at Union Ave Baptist Church Choir in Patterson, New Jersey back when I was like 5 . Back then I was carefree the opinions of others were not the driving force that hope of not being judged or made fun of never crossed my mind. Today I have recently started singing again and I get made fun of and some people have even have complemented me or stated that I have inspired them to sing again. Truth is that was one of my hopes I hoped that if I did it perhaps others would join in. Spreading the joy of music to all. The other hope for me is that a couple of the females that I am interested but as of late I am so gun shy in ask to go out.  My hope is they would see that vulnerable tender side of whom I am and be interested in getting to know me better and perhaps being the last relationship I ever have to search for.

In closing just remember hope can be so many things just be careful on how much you allow it to change or control you destiny and desire.  As always thank you for your time.  If you have a story you want shared or if you have comments please send them to me at dolphnotes@gmail.com . Please like, share and follow the blog. Mt hope is to still do an audio version of dolphnotes next year on my own internet radio station.  Also if you want to be a guest writer or a regular writer please contact me.

I decent deduction of HOPE  Watson :

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/hope.htm

Success Shouldn’t we both celebrate

Another common issue amongst great couples is success. One would think that it shouldn’t be . The problem lies within our own felling of self worth. Let me explain. Certain things we achieve usually professionally has the potential to allow ourselves to feel not as good or unsuccessful compared to our mate. They may have a job that is better or money in the bank or perhaps a  better education. Whatever the success is it causes jealousy or possibly a feeling of low self worth. My opinion is that we all simply look at it the wrong way and even myself it took me a while but I realized that I was guilty as well. My issue was the relationships some of my ex’s had with their friends. Honestly I should have embraced it however, I pushed her friends and my ex away. Turns out that it is all childish. I was jealous of her success to maintain and keep friends. It is not that I do not have friends I actually have a lot of great friends, my issue was because of previous choices I’ve made I put myself in a position that I have to work all the time. It was not my ex’s fault it was mine that I could not hang out with my friends more .  She was successfully in maintaining her social butterfly status and I had to put mine on hold. More commonly the success issues stems from money or career not necessarily social status like mine did. Of course I have a different view on those type success issues, money is the root of all evil I HATE money and material things. I am an emotional type person,  relationships are my wealth human interaction is my material need.

Success should never make ones self worth feel low. Success within a relationship should be celebrated. Again this is usually another area that I seem to be way different in during today’s world. My partners success is something that I feel as being ½ of the relationship that I should and want to support regardless of my own evaluation of my self worth. In the long run as my partner achieves success I do as well. Her happiness is my happiness. It is by our own selfish regrets that we allow ourselves to be taken back by the success of others we care for.

Being personally involved in both sides of this I have learned that I lacked support and lacked supporting. Another one of the the lessons I learned too late in a relationship. My advice on this is simple share your feelings with your other regardless of how you feel or how you think it is going to make them feel,  empower yourself and your other to share and celebrate success. Trust me it will be the day to which you have lost everything that you realize that life is too short,  relationships are the foundation of your strength and empowerment  and I mean all relationships. Stop focusing on the small things, stop being jealous and feeling low about yourself,  and focus on the grand plan thier success is also yours . Cherish every relationship even those unknown like the mail carrier, the connivence store clerk , your neighbors well frankly anyone you come in contact with. Share your success with everyone not to be conceded but perhaps to inspire others to work hard. Help others to be succesful.  Trust me it has taken me a few months to pick myself up from a very very low place. If it was not for the success of my house mates and my friends sadly I know not where I would be today.

As always thank you for reading enjoy, as always love the emails at dolphnotes@gmail.com please follow.

If you have a topic that touches your heart please email me and I will share your story.

Check out the link for some advice on envy:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-overcome-envy-doesnt-poison-relationships/