Friend-Zoned

One of the relationship struggles in life is the friend-zone. I know myself I have been on both ends of this. Personally I have 4 people really close to my heart that I would love to go out with just to be in their company. The primary mission is to get to know them better to see if the thought of a relationship with one of them would be even remotely feasible.  However, I am stuck in the friend-zone. Being an emotional human at times, I choose to berate myself the two biggest things I say to myself are things like your old and ugly.  Now with this said the old one does not really matter because I have already proven that age does not matter since I have already dated women half my age and one that was almost half my age.  So then I focus on the looks thing I know me personally connection and humor relate more to my love needs then looks. Height age, weight, hair color, race and nationality do not matter to me. Understanding that some if not most (my opinion) focus more on things like looks and financial status. Sad thing is I know and studies show that relationships not built of friendship and laughter that are only focused on looks or finances rarely work long term. The last reason I think of sometimes for me personally is my children which some consider baggage. In that regard if children are baggage then perhaps you need your head examined and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with you anyway.  The other point I think that is relevant them like me do not want to risk losing this awesome friendship I have with them on the whole dice roll of possible romance.

With this said I know personally I have 2 or 3 that I keep in the friend zone. The reason for me is simply because of the way they view themselves. My life to this point has been emotional and challenging. I have decided that I want a companion to share experiences with not a full time counseling job. Sounds harsh I understand and I am not saying I would not help them with their problems just saying that I would prefer that every time we are together it not be a session. I would also say that if they are independent and have a goals that would be so much easier than a huge list of problems and issue that they have no idea how to  or desire to fix. Again I fully understand that I have issues and problems, well frankly we all do the difference is I have put my stuff in order it may not all be fixed but I have a course of action.

Ok enough about my experience let’s talk about a friend-zone.  My issue with this is simply if the person in your friend-zone is good enough for you to call at 3am and you trust with your deepest secrets, why would you not give them a date or two. Again not saying you sleep with them or talk marriage or clingy obsessed relationship. Just saying perhaps if they are that wonderful in your life roll the dice.  Maybe you would be surprised and happier then you ever have been.  You see you have already trusted your darkest secrets and desire with them, they know you and respect you already SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE HANG UP? You obviously respect them enough to tell your story to them. You allow them to hold back your hair when your puking so why not be honest with yourself. 85% of the time this person in the friend-zone is most of what you desire in a mate.  So a few articles ago I wrote about test driving it before you buy it. My question is in this case haven’t you already you already test drove their personality, compassion and care? You know this person is there for you and you tell them stuff you wouldn’t even tell your bestie.  P.S. a date or two is just that, you shouldn’t be having sex within your first couple of dates anyway, relationship experts recommend 3 to 6 months of dating before consensual sex.  The common things LOOKS, MONEY, STATUS, BAGGAGE, or loss of a friend.  Maybe my views are off but  knowing what I do I think I may just give my friend –zone person a date or 2 , if nothing else I know they  will be smiling for the night  and I will gain a chance to perhaps know them a little better. Who knows maybe there are for me,   besides a date or 2 is really not a big thing, besides it maybe a movie or dinner you didn’t have to do alone.

My personal take away from this is I plan on trying to give people my time if they desire it, does not mean I want to or need to sleep with them just going to give them some of time they are looking for.  I just may not have seen that side of them yet that shows me a romantic connection.

Thanks again for reading it please follow the posts. Share with your friends. If you have a comment please leave it. If you want to leave a comment but do not want your name listed email it to me and I will list it as  “ A reader writes” If you have ideas for a topic or want to  share your story please email me at dolphnotes@gmail.com

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