You’ve been dating a great guy or you just met him things seem to be going very well. You are attracted to him, enjoy hanging out, and can see a great future ahead. All is well… until he tells you that he’s having doubts about the relationship or a relationship.
Fortunately this doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. There’s a lot you can do get the relationship back on track. Here’s four tips to navigate his doubts and help him avoid making the big mistake of losing you.
Let’s Talk About It.
If your man says he’s having doubts, it’s important to get to the bottom of what he’s feeling. Don’t accuse. Don’t nag. Simply ask him to open up to you. For example, you could show empathy for his feelings, try and ask why (do not push simply ask for more information”. Truly listen to him. Do not contradict everything he says. You may want to do just that! But don’t. Don’t take what he says too seriously or his comments bother you, no matter how hurtful they may seem. Compose yourself relax ask him to continue make him feel that you care and are not judging his feelings. Remain positive and optimistic be supportive, and remember it’s not your moment.
Realistically he may just be overwhelmed and stressed, we all have triggers that place ill rational thought in our heads sometimes we just need to sort them out. If he is younger it may be a lack of experience if he is older it could be past demons coming to the surface. Regardless if you are a team or meant to be a team communication needs to be a foundation within your relationship.
Bring Back That Loving Feeling
Try and remind him and yourself what it was like in the beginning. If it’s a new meeting explain your attraction. Even the toughest guy has a soft side. Even though most guys will not admit it they secretly love that mushy stuff but in moderation and not like send me a pink teddy bear kind of way. Compliment a feature or an act hell I’m easy surprised me with my favorite coffee when I’m having a bad day. Relationships wind up falling apart because we allow the stresses of our life to allow us to forget the simple basic needs one has.
Do not ride my ass
If your man tells you that he’s having doubts do not become a pest or a nag, this is one of the worst things you can do. If you text all the time or call all the time after he has expressed doubt this action is going to increase his fear. Basically if he says not right now or I am busy please respect that without your bitch A tude. I know you want him to reassure you, but he can’t….at least not right now. It is at this moment that he needs to see that even though you might be scared, you will maintain your value.
I’m not saying this is easy, but it is powerful. When you feel like begging remember that at this moment what he needs is for you not to take his doubts too seriously. If you beg, you’ll confirm his worst fears and send him packing.
Time Baby Please Just Some Time
If there isn’t an obvious issue, like an unresolved conflict, then most doubts go away over time. Often it’s simply because the relationship started very intensely and suddenly it doesn’t feel as intense has it used to. Even though this is normal, it doesn’t feel normal to him. While he’s sorting through his feelings do this:
Don’t be too available with your time. Spend less time with him than he wants. I know this seems wrong, but we like the attention as much as you do. We are just wired differently. Deny a request to see each other every once and a while. Believe me this causes a guy with doubt to do one of two things. Like resolve the doubt in his mind and fight for his maiden or realize that the relationship is not what he wants. Either way the conflict is now over you may not like the one option but it is so much better to know then be strung along.
If he’s the right one, he’ll see you for the gem you are and will quickly be back by your side. If not… it’s time to find the man who will be there for you and love you for the woman you are.
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