This morning as I am making my coffee to start my day I run into one of my house mates. We start to talk and she brings up an interesting topic. The differences in dating over the generations. It does not surprise me in the least that she would inspire a post for two reasons first she was the reason I started to write this blog, she told me that my experiences and view just may help someone else. Lastly she is studying to be a relationship counselor. YES before you ask I have recently asked her to be an author here at dolphnotes. Besides I would love to have the female input on this relationship stuff.
So as we talked we discussed our grandparents and how their relationships started. The social economic status was so much different. The rules of courtship were different. The age of marriage was different. Let us dive in a little. Respect was automatic, a lady was asked out on a date. The date was basically chaperoned by a parent. The only touch on a first date honestly might have been a hand hold, but still with 12 inches of distance between the two. They dated for months before that first kiss. They did not have the social media and the focus was on each other and not distracted by a cell phone. Love blossomed BECAUSE they focused on each other and they got to know each other. Sex never before marriage. Marriage was usually really young and only after permission was granted by her father. When married they usually slept in different beds or rooms. It was not a sex based relationship it was a love and family based relationship. Dinner was always at home as a family except for certain times however, it was always together. Financially they were in a different position then we are today. Greed did not hit as it has today.
Then we talked about our parents. We talked on how they were from a time where things had progressed a lot. The country was in a war everyone loved each other sex was more prevalent before marriage hell it was the 60’s and 70’s after all. Couples would live together or amongst a group of friends. Permission to get married did not have as much as a presence as it did for our grandparents. Greed started to form in the world, families struggled to survive. Both parents had to work. Dinner was still attempted as a family, social media was not around yet however, the TV was. Dad was still the ruler of the house. As you can see very different then what my grandparents did. Divorce basically started TV started to babysit our children, of god now video games cell phones and so many other distractions start. Money is tight both parents working multiple job. GOO GOD there goes the neighborhood. Families start to break down. Families are broken couple stay together for the children what they do not realize is the children see that they are not happy. We start to teach our children its ok not to love someone just use them for the ease of not having to sell the house and also during this time financially women were being mistreated they were not making nearly what a man was so they were kind of forced to stay.
No on to the current island on misfit toys. First of all we are naughty little creatures. We are power, money and sex driven maniacs. No one knows what dating is or even how to do it. We just go out satisfy whatever need or desire we have at the moment. We met people get a little attached kiss have sex maybe another date. Or we get attached think everything is great move in well then we realize we never took a chance to get to know each other or find that love that our grandparents had so now we settle and stay because , frankly financially we struggle and well at least I am getting laid is the thought in our mind . Above is just one example. Let just say for a minute that we do find someone get to know them for a bit fall in love move in and things are great and everything is wonderful. Well I kind of still call bull shit because if you spend more time on your phone or on social media are you happy? Do you know each other favorite color? Do you know each other secrets? Do you know what the other truly like? How about favorite place? How about scariest moment? Chances are you do not. Again we find ourselves at times in what we think is the best relationship however, we might not really know who we are with and other than I cannot afford to live on my own why am I here?
No I know this is just one man’s take but let me try to summarize it for you.
Progressively the power of love has been broken, honestly we just try to satisfy trivial needs and wants. It is a matter of settling or tolerating. It is a financial need. It may not even be love at all. I would say that because of the progression of financial needs and the advent of cell phones and social media we are so focused on the thoughts of the world rather than the thoughts of one’s heart. Now this is only part of it. We struggle financially because frankly society is a greedy place. So we find ourselves in a position that we have moved in with someone and now cannot afford to be on our own. Or maybe because when we were growing up we were so distracted with things that we never really learned how to date. So do you know how to date? Chances are if you are under 30 you do not. Now I am not saying that it is not possible to find that true love. I guess we need to step back and ask our parents or grandparent what love is. Compare the differences and find a way to get to our own path of love. Here is my current thought process on dating. We need to focus on what we are there for. Recently as in like this past weekend I went on a date. I focused on my conversation and getting to know her. My phone stayed on vibrate and I did not look at it but once to check a movie time. The conversation was back and forth it was not one of us talking about how awesome we are. It was not her or I trying to impress each other with trivial bull shit. It was not a booty call. It was two adults attempting to learn each other and to see if there could possibly connection. We both had a really relaxed and nice time. Will there be a second date you ask, yes it is in planning. Why did I bring this up? Well if you read back a few posts I wrote about you have to evaluate your past and learn from it and improve so that maybe you can find love if it still exists. You see I did that I stopped being what I thought women wanted and I was simply me. Yes I am male and have wants however, they did not drive my evening nor am I really a sex just to have sex kind of person. I will no longer settle or stay for the wrong reasons. I was honest and open in my conversation. I did not try to hide any of the perceived negative things in my life. We engaged in a mutual conversation we laughed a lot. I was like my grandfather I had a nice conversation with a women that has my interest. Does this mean I am getting married or moving in together or any of that NO! It simply means that I am going to get to know her better and see where it progresses to.
We at times have no choice in this generation of dating we are up against so many challenges. We may be in college or struggling with a medical issue. Financially we have not reached our earning potential. So we find ourselves being forced to settle. We think well so and so seems nice I will just move in with them after all I spend 90 percent of my time there anyway so why should we both pay for a place it will be cheaper together, It is better than moving back in with mom and dad. I am not saying any of this to say that you are wrong. There was a time in my life I had to move back in with my parents and frankly right now I share a house with a few roommates. I am not ashamed of this at all. Rather than settling, just try and learn how to date and what love is and before you find yourself in a situation you cannot financially easily get out of. I personally know about 5 couples that are together that truly are not happy but they stay because it is cheaper or for some other false reason. They are unhappy but stay. For those folks struggling with that. I have another friend whom is a mother of 2 thought she had the man of her dreams they had a child they were going to marry. Well he cheated a few times. She was heartbroken. Some time has passed in the beginning it was really hard for her, but now she is on her own works hard provides for her children and is so much happier then she was. She took ownership of her happiness and defined what she wants and is strong enough now not to settle.
Be careful of your path, be yourself, Be Honest. Have fun
Neat little you tube video about dating today vs then
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