We’ve all been there. You know the feelings: the pit in the bottom of your stomach, the heavy weight on your chest and shoulders, the devastation, sadness and anger. When you find out that you’ve been lied to by someone you love, a million emotions come rushing over you. Some are rational, but most are not. The who, what, why and how questions begin, and you’re searching for so many answers. Being in any relationship or friendship with someone who has lied is tough. It’s not that you don’t love or care for them, it’s just that once that trust is gone, it’s difficult to connect wholeheartedly. And without trust, there is no point in having a relationship or friendship.
People usually lie for one of two reasons. The first is out of shame or fear. Some may think that they won’t be accepted for whatever reasons, so rather than telling the truth, they lie. Most of the time, these lies are told to make them appear better at something or to have make them feel like they fit in. These types of liars are more willing to confess down the line and learn from their mistakes. However, until they’re willing to admit their mistakes, it still makes it difficult to connect on a genuine level.
The second kind of liar is very frustrating. They simply lie for selfish gains or entertainment. Even when they have the opportunity or it’s easier to tell the truth, they do not. These liars are very calculative, manipulative and know what they’re doing. They are not concerned with other people’s feelings and will destroy any relationship for the sake of always being “right” in their mind. If you can, remove these liars from your life because they will probably never recognize their faults, nor apologize for their actions.
When people lie, do they know how it makes the other person feel? Do they fully understand the repercussions? Relationships and friendships should make us feel loved and respected, but when we lie or are lied to, it makes us feel the complete opposite. Here are some ways in which lies can affect your relationships and friendships.
I no longer felt like I could trust them.
Trust is what makes relationships go around. Without trust, there’s really nothing left. Even after you’ve made an effort at forgiveness, there’s still going to be this gaping hole in your heart, that could only heal in time. And even then, depending on the lie, sometimes there’s not enough time in the world that will help regain trust. Once trust is gone, it’s hard, if not impossible, to earn it back.
I thought less of them.
It may sound horrible that you thought less of the person who lied to you, but it happens. You’ve caught a glimpse of a really crappy side of them. After being disappointed by someone’s actions, it’s normal to think they’re slightly less than awesome. Not only that, but when you hold someone in high esteem and they lie to you, it makes you wonder why you thought so much of them, if they didn’t value you in the same regard.
When I found out the extent of the lies, I felt like a fool.
Being fooled by a liar makes you feel gullible. It also causes you to question everything that person ever said or did. Were their actions really sincere? You begin to doubt yourself and your own personal gut feelings. If you can be conned so easily with this lie from a trusted person, what else have you been conned about in your life? Feeling like a fool can create inner turmoil and lower your self-esteem, which can be hard to get over.
When they lied, I felt unimportant and disrespected.
When someone lies to you it makes you feel as if they didn’t care enough about you to tell you the truth. This can hurt even more when it’s someone with whom you thought you had a trusting relationship. For example, if your best friend lies that they’re not having marital issues, but confides in a co-worker who they’ve known for only six months, that can make you feel unimportant and question your 12-year friendship. It’s important to find out why they didn’t feel like they could trust you with the truth and openly discuss how the lie made you feel unimportant and disrespected.
If they didn’t confess, I felt like they didn’t care.
When someone has an opportunity to confess that they lied, but they choose not to, it could make you feel like they don’t care enough about you to make things right. It confirms that they are still thinking of themselves. Liars who are consistently selfish will most likely continue their behavior and move onto other unsuspecting victims. If you feel like they don’t care, be prepared for the fact that they most likely don’t.
I felt lonely and sad.
When you create friendships and bonds with individuals, it makes you feel loved, but when someone lies and causes you to distrust them, it can lead you to feel lonely and sad. This is why it’s important to always live by the motto “Honesty is the best policy.”
If you’ve been the liar in a relationship or friendship, there’s hope in making wrong situations right. Confessing the whole truth is one way to start. Half-truths are still considered lies. I know it can be intimidating telling the truth, but for the most part, the people on the receiving end will be more likely to forgive. With that said, be prepared for the consequences. It’s not going to be easy to receive the silent treatment, getting broken up with or even having the other person request space, but it will be worth it in the end.
Even though the relationship may not ever be the same, know that it took courage to be forthcoming with the truth. If the other person cannot forgive you and you’ve done everything possible, then it may be a sign that you’ll have to move on. It may be a difficult choice, but these are some of the consequences that you will be faced with after lying. Hopefully, you’ve learned your lesson and you won’t lie again. The deep connections you’ll make with others by telling the truth, is much more appealing than any lie you can imagine.
I am still looking for a story from a female’s perspective so please write one and send it to me. You can stay anonymous I will only disclose your name if you want me to.
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