So are you ready???

ready

How ready are you to date? A lot of people think being ‘ready’ means ready to get attention, have companionship, get sex, an ego stroke – ready to jump back in the saddle. However, being ready to date, which prepares you for being ready for a relationship is actually about being mentally and emotionally ready. In this quiz, find out your dating readiness. The more you agree with, the readier you are.

  1. I’m over my ex and am no longer emotionally invested in them.
  2. No seriously, I’m not holding out a secret hope that we’ll get back together. Oh, and I don’t have any other exes lurking around.
  3. I believe that a loving, healthy relationship with mutual love, care, trust and respect is out there for me.
  4. There are still a lot of good people to date.
  5. I trust myself and I’m OK with acting in my own best interests even if it may hurt a little.
  6. I am aware of my boundaries and red flag behavior and if I were to encounter someone that overstepped my boundaries and/or exhibited red flag behavior, I would know what to do.
  7. I know that sex and love are not the same thing.
  8. I have a reasonable level of trust and am not controlled by my fears. In fact, I am actively working on addressing any issues that have previously affected me in relationships.
  9. I can mentally and emotionally cope with someone not reciprocating my interest or dates not working out.

If there’s stuff that you disagreed with, take it as a signal to dig deep within and be aware that if you proceed to date anyway without addressing them, you need to own your part in what results. While agreeing with the above doesn’t mean ‘Shazam!’, your perfect partner is going to fall out of the sky, you will be far less likely to fall into any old habits and you’ll ultimately be taking care of you. Read on for the ‘answers’

  1. I’m over my ex and am no longer emotionally invested in them.

This is a major part of dating readiness. If you are not over your ex you are unavailable and will end up passing time with people, messing them around, flip flapping in indecision, and expecting them to do the emotional work of getting you over your ex.

It’s a bit like – If you’re that great a person, you’ll get me over my ex.

Don’t go there.

If you date to feel better, you’ll probably feel worse after the initial high of attention. You’ll also spend too much time comparing and contrasting and in reality, you just can’t be emotionally present.

Don’t use dating to avoid working your way through the loss of the relationship. Deal with your feelings – good, bad, and indifferent. Also live by the same values you’d expect from others – this isn’t an experience you’d want to be on the receiving end of.

  1. No seriously, I’m not holding out a secret hope that we’ll get back together. Oh, and I don’t have any other exes lurking around.

A lot of people, especially Unavailables, are afraid of finality and this can also be a part of a general commitment resistance. When you break up, it’s best to take it that it’s ‘done’ so that you don’t languish in limbo putting your life on hold and delaying processing your feelings.

Without committing to your relationship being over, you are trying to keep your options open, which is unfair to others you may become involved with.

The world doesn’t need Yet Another Person flip flapping around in the dating pool trying to get the fringe benefits of a relationship without the relationship and without the intimacy.

Unavailable people often have a lot of ‘loose ends’ in their lives and some of these ex’s boomerang in and out like bad pennies. Shed the dead weight, put boundaries in place so that you can be genuinely available for a new relationship.

Also, never give someone license to dip in and out of your life.

  1. I believe that a loving, healthy relationship with mutual love, care, trust and respect is out there for me.

Positive beliefs are fundamental to your mentality, attitude, and breaking any previous negative relationship patterns. This is because what you believe is what you predict will happen, is how you will act accordingly, is how you’ll end up catering to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Believing you can love again shows a great deal of faith but will also have you less interested in people who fit a negative belief. Believing you can’t and that it’s not out there for you, means that you’ll be distrusting and/or likely to resign yourself to shady relationships. You’ll go about your merry way getting on with your life instead of feeling down and desperate to prove yourself wrong in a wrong relationship.

  1. There are still a lot of good people to date.

Again, it’s about having faith in the fact that there are plenty of living, breathing, decent people out there to date.

I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re a relatively decent person – you’re not alone, other people have loved, lost, made mistakes, and not found a loving relationship…yet.

If you believe the decent ones are gone, you’re saying ‘Sod it. I must resign myself to dating assclowns’. It’s a cop out that you’re using to legitimize the fact that you’re not prepared to get uncomfortable.

  1. I trust myself and I’m OK with acting in my own best interests even if it may hurt a little.

Trusting yourself is a sign of a reasonable level of self-esteem. In fact, if you can’t date with your self-esteem in tow, don’t bother until you can.

When we don’t trust others it’s because we don’t trust ourselves.

If you like and love yourself, you’ll trust you instead of treating you like an enemy and putting others on pedestals with blind love and trust. If you’re going to do this dating thing, you need to be prepared to act and sometimes make decisions and opt out of situations even though your libido, your imagination, and your ego may say otherwise.

  1. I’m aware of my boundaries and red flag behavior and if I were to encounter someone that busts and flags these, I would know what to do.

Before you go on another date and get yourself invested up to the hilt, be aware of what you are prepared to accept in your relationships (boundaries) and the no-go areas (red flags) that signal that you must opt out and step away from the light.

People who don’t know or use their boundaries and red flags analyze the crapola out of things. They rationalize and project all sorts of excuses on it or they deny the existence or extent of the issue – this is dangerous. They don’t know when to fold and instead of registering what the information means about the person and possibilities for a relationship, they turn it into ‘What did I do to make them this way?’ or ‘What can I do to fix this?’

ready 3

  1. I know that sex and love are not the same thing.

Say it with me – Sex without the intimacy, care, trust, respect and love, is just sex.

Sex doesn’t communicate anything emotionally but combined with a genuine emotional connection that exists, can enhance intimacy.

Don’t get it twisted and if you can’t have sex without thinking they love you or that it must mean you’re committed, I’d put yourself on lock down or re-evaluate your sexual values and boundaries.

  1. I have a reasonable level of trust and am not controlled by my fears. In fact, I am actively working on addressing any issues that have previously affected me in relationships.

Dating is a discovery phase where you get the opportunity to find out more about them and determine whether you want to move forward. You need to go in with a reasonable level of trust and increase it as you get signals of trustworthiness or roll it back when you don’t.

If you’re ruled by fear, it will be a dramatic, insecure interaction and you may end up sabotaging a potential relationship or being with someone that reflects your fears. Know the difference between internal and external factors that are triggering your fears.

Make sure you have been addressing your fears and any other issues for a while before you start dating again, because if you do it too soon and you get your fingers burned, it may set you back.

  1. I can mentally and emotionally cope with someone not reciprocating my interest or dates not working out.

Dates don’t work out for all sorts of reasons and it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. Sometimes two people just don’t vibe or it becomes clear that they want different things.

To be able to date with your self-esteem, you need to have awareness and have cleared the smoke so you can smell the BS. If you don’t, you will take it personal when even the most minor of interactions don’t work out.

Slow your roll – Especially when you either didn’t make it to a date or you only went on a few dates, you don’t know them enough to have so many hopes and dreams that it will take you a disproportionate amount of time to get over them.

If you don’t know someone very well and have been on no more than a few dates, more of your energy needs to be in reality than in your imagination.

Dating can be fun, but there is a level of ‘rejecting’ and ‘rejection’ to be experienced and the reality is that you won’t be going anywhere fast if you must go through a big recovery process after every interaction. It’s pivotal to have a good sense of self that remains intact instead of taking knocks with every interaction.

You’re not made of stone and it’s OK to feel disappointed but don’t get hijacked by the disappointment and end up in mourning over every person that enters your life, no matter how briefly. Keep putting yourself out there – you live to love again. Your future doesn’t rest on any one of these people.

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I am still looking for a story from a female’s perspective so please write one and send it to me. You can stay anonymous I will only disclose your name if you want me to.

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Again, thanks for reading please visit dolphnotes.com and follow the page. If you just read this through Facebook it does not count the same in sponsor’s eyes. If you have a topic suggestion or want to leave comments, please leave them in comment section or email me at dolphnotes@gmail.com

 

So, as you might have read a few post back that my goal is to make dolphnotes a permanent site in addition to I would like to launch an internet radio station and include a dolphnotes audio show. So, with that said it is hard to obtain sponsors for that so it will be all on my own dime until I have been established for 6 months up to years. So below is a bunch of websites I run that the proceeds go to the above-mentioned project. Please shop and share the links. Thanks, Dolph

 

Links may not be clickable if not please copy and paste and remember to share

 

 

Home things and linen.

mylinenworld.com/adolphmontanye/

Makeup Eraser

montanyecorp.makeuperaser.com/

Home items and décor

montanyecorp.pineoakfarm.com/

Awesome supplement and nutritional program

montanyecorp.le-vel.com/

Women and men’s clothing and accessories

shops.zindigo.com/Montanyes

Adult Toys and gifts (must be 18 or older)

naughtyds.theydirty.com/

 

 

When you find the one I am Ordained and can officiate your wedding

 

reverendmontanye.wixsite.com/love

 

rady 2

 

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